CAPRON—It was unlimited yard time for one lucky inmate, as he enjoyed the splendor and beauty of Southampton’s vast countryside this weekend. A search continued into Sunday morning in the woods off U.S. 58 between Capron and Courtland for the escapee from the Southampton County Jail.
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Sherman Ditz, 47, was in jail for fleeing the Love You Long Time Massage Parlor in downtown Franklin, without paying. At 5:10 a.m. Saturday, Ditz made a daring escape, leaving the jail through a back door in the kitchen area, Sheriff John Cuffs said. A caring soul, Ditz worked in the kitchen in the mornings, rising before all others to make biscuits from scratch. With the jail having been hit hard recently with budget cuts being put forth by our fearless leaders, only a guard dog, Ol’ Red Junior, was on hand. “It’s kinda crazy,” said Cuffs, “he’s probably in here because of all the cuts to education. The guy could have done something with his life if we had the resources to teach him something. Now the budget cuts have even prevented us from having a human guard… next thing you know they’ll have a robot replacing me.” |
According to court records, Ditz was arrested in July for grand larceny and capias. On April 3, he was sentenced to two years in jail and ordered to pay $3,034 in restitution, for what we can only imagine – must have been one hell of a back rub! At the time, he had a Franklin address, and Cuffs indicated Ditz has family in Murfreesboro, N.C. The family has been ruled out from being accessories to the escape, as recent laws (see article NC Drivers to have Licenses Suspended) would have prevented them from crossing state lines.
According to his Facebook, Ditz lives in Suffolk and is interested in women. When he made a post using a cell phone he procured, boasting “You’ll never catch me coppers!,” Ditz did not realize that with the post, Facebook gave away his position, citing his whereabouts near Capron.
His plans for escape were found shortly after officers realized he had fled. “We found a notebook, and a few other items that indicated this had been planned for a couple of weeks,” Cuffs said. “We’re beginning to piece together the chain of events that led to his escape.”
“Ditz was known in prison as a huge Blake Shelton fan,” cellmate Bubba Jefferson said. “Dude was always humming under his breath, ‘come on somebody, why don’t you run, Ol’ Red’s itchin’ to have a little fun.’
It appears that Ditz’s first move was to neutralize the guard dog. “He had a friend pen up a female blue tick hound across the street, and since Ditz had access to food, he was able to throw a ham bone at Ol’ Red when he escaped. Ol’ Red went on that bone, and then instead of pursuing Ditz into the Nottoway, he went to chase tail across the street. It was enough to allow Ditz to get on the run,” the Sheriff said.
At least one local resident, Buck Wild, who was turkey hunting in Courtland woods, reported seeing someone mid-morning Saturday who matched the escapee’s description. “I was scopin’ out toms this mornin’ when a fool run out in fronta me dressed all in blaze orange, scarin’ all the damn birds away. Fool don’t know them turkeys can see you wearing all orange?!”
Upon learning of Ditz’s reported location, Virginia State Police Super Trooper, Stanley Johnson came in on his day off and picked up fellow Trooper Moe Parr for backup. The pair, otherwise known as the Dynamic Duo, began tracking Ditz through the Capron woods with Johnson noting, “We’ve seen signs where he’s been. We’ve been out tracking and found crumbs where he ate biscuits, grass where he laid down, and a stale turd where he crapped and didn’t cover it up. And I managed to pull over six speeders on the highway this morning, just doing my job.”
Upon learning that Johnson and Parr were conducting a search themselves, the Virginia Department of Corrections, Isle of Wight Sheriff’s Office, and Franklin Police were all sent back to normal duties, with search dogs being given rawhides to stave off boredom.
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The Dynamic Duo narrowed their search Sunday morning to a Capron Farm near 58. Johnson adorned himself with a government issue ghillie suit and crawled over the three acre plot where Ditz was believed to be. Parr made chicken noises, trying to draw Ditz closer. Having gone some time without eating, Ditz heard the calls and began creeping slowly toward the sounds. With an empty bloated stomach, Ditz had been dealing with gas all morning. While laid out on the ground army crawling, he let rip what Johnson referred to as, “the loudest fart I think I’ve ever heard. It was kinda watery sounding too, so I’m not sure if we get all the credit for him soiling himself.” |
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Upon hearing the flatulence, both Troopers pounced on the location, capturing Ditz at 9:15 a.m. Sunday. Ditz resisted arrest, but resistance proved futile as Johnson got his size 14 state-issued steel-toed boot lodged in Ditz’s hindparts, clean up to the ankle. Ditz then begged for mercy, and the struggle ended.
“Once again, Trooper Johnson, with an assist from Trooper Parr, has saved the County again,” said Sheriff Cuffs. “Let this be a notice to all inmates who are considering a daring escape. You can consider yourself mighty lucky to get past the rivers and the copperhead beds, but all these years that I’ve been here… ain’t nobody got past Stan.”
Ditz, who had less than a year remaining on his sentence, now faces an additional 15 years in prison, now without parole. He will also be relieved of kitchen duty, which means no more made from scratch biscuits. Ever.
