Janyce and I spent the 14th through the 16th in the Franklin Wal-Mart.
The temperatures approached 79 degrees, meaning one thing – trash was heavier than normal, which is usually the case when the temperature is this high. High temperature always flushes all kinds of stuff out of the swamps and into Wal-Mart.
Why is this the worst time of year you ask? It’s quite simple really. With spring in full swing, everyone rushes out of their house wearing the summer clothes from the previous year. Sure it’s all fun and games when you go to your dresser, push the Juicy emblazoned sweat pants to the side, and pull out your 2008 era Bootylicious short shorts. That sounds all well and good, thrifty in fact, until you factor in that on average, the ones doing this have packed on 50 pounds, give or take. Even then, they don’t take the time to pull the lint from their ever-increasing belly buttons.
I worked with the new girl on the second day, and everywhere we went you could see someone taking a look at her. I watched her working the feminine product aisle for awhile and noticed she has a real talent for handling the Tampax. With skills like that, she’ll be assistant manager in no time.
I even got some great footage of a married couple that was so happy to find 2 for 1 prices on all 6 kinds of Moonpies, that they were hootin’ and a hollerin’ in the middle of the aisle for twenty minutes. I was actually talking to our DM on the phone when they started hollering, and the ole gal was so loud she could easily hear it through the phone.
Skanks. Yep, I know y’all like to hear about those. Well, they are mating right now, same as ever. You can always see them easily this time of year because when they do their thing they get together in what we call “skank formation.” Several skanks just tangle all up together and they get it done. Makes for some great photo opportunities since they are, uhh, occupied, they don’t pay much attention to what is going on around them.
So yep, as you can see, it’s a terrible time of year at the Wal-Mart. Take this opportunity to load up the minivan and get the children out of the house and go enjoy the splendor, anywhere else but Wal-Mart.